My parents say I drink too much, but they don't have a clue... that I don't do it to get drunk, but because I don't know what else to do. I drink because I'm lonely. I drink because I wanna talk to someone. I drink because I have energy. I drink because I have none. I drink to make me feel something, or sometimes nothing at all. I drink because it makes me happy, or because it brings about the downfall - the downward spiral of my whole life that I love so much I hate. After so much turmoil, I have found the light, whilst fearing I will never find heaven's gate. I have so many things to do... so I drink to calm down my brain. I'm so happy I'm almost blue... I fear I'll lose my art without some pain. I drink to cover all the trauma that seems to taint my past. I drink to create some drama in the days that just seem to pass. But mostly I drink because I like it - for simply no solid reason... Or maybe it's because of all the bullshit... because I secretly crave my demons. The good times bring me nothing except mediocre art and self-pity. I claim no self-sabotage but I'm bluffing, I just want to be less picky. Less picky about everything that I want - my ambition is slowly killing me, so I become more and more drunk and set my tortured soul free.